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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Helaine Olen News/Business. Helaine Olen. (2013) Author Helaine Olen. (CC)




San Francisco, CA, USA

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Hagel 8, Benghazi 6, Psch 4, Mccain 3, Panetta 3, Jon Stewart 3, Us 2, Mississippi 2, Vietnam 2, Georgia 2, Mr. Mccain 2, Dick Mulfis 2, Herbert Hoover 2, Graham 2, John Mccain 2, Helaine Olen 2, Vitac 1, Red Tape ! 1, Bully 1, Abraham Lincoln 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Daily Show With Jon Stewart    Helaine Olen  News/Business. Helaine  
   Olen.  (2013) Author Helaine Olen. (CC)  

    March 18, 2013
    10:00 - 10:30am PDT  

her tits! what are you stopping for?" [ laughter ] i'm not too into sports, you know, 'cause i'm not really good at them. guys always think i know the score of a game, though. they're like, "hey, who won the yankee game?" "oh, i did. "isn't that weird? i won the yankee game. "nobody won. they're friends now. "they sat and talked things out. there was a pizza party." and they always say "we," like they played. like, "oh, we did it! we won!" "really? you [bleep] played? "you got picked up by the team? why didn't you [bleep] call me? i would've watched the game." and the minute they lose, they're off the team. "aw, they blew it! they lost it!" "well, why didn't you [bleep] play? "did you get traded? "you bastard, you let down your teammates and your city." i can't sleep for a lot of noises -- sports fans and sprinklers. i moved to l.a. from here. never got woken up by a sprinkler until i moved to california.
it's, like, 3:00 in the morning, just... [ mimicking sprinkler ] ff-ff-ff-ff-ff-ff-ff. ff-ff-ff-ff-ff. ff-ff-ff-ff-ff. ff-ff-ff-ff-ff. i got to wake up, look around for lizard people, you know? "geez, giant lizard people in here?" car alarms. a lot of car alarms. nobody shows up. what the [bleep] do we have car alarms for? nobody comes. it should be the ice-cream-truck song. right? [ applause ] at least 15 fat kids are gonna come running, you know. yeah. it's a great idea. eventually come running. motorcycles -- i don't like motorcycles. did you ever have one just waiting for a red light outside your window? you're trying to watch tv at your house. it's just, pbb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb- bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-
bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb- bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb. bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb- bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb. bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb- bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb. [ inhales sharply ] that joke could be a lot longer if i wasn't a smoker. [ laughter ] they always go by when something important happens, you know? "and the murderer is..." pb-bb-bb-bb-bb-bb. "[bleep] you!" what the [bleep] garbage trucks. is that the best time to pick up garbage -- 5:00 a.m.? is that what we decided as a society? "hey, pick up my garbage at 5:00 a.m. "give me the loudest [bleep] truck you have, too. "i want to think there's a robot taking a [bleep] outside my window." [ mimicking mechanical noises ] eeeeeeh! pbah! pbah! aaaaaaaaaaah! psch! psch! psch! psch! "hey, the [bleep]"
[ imitating foreign language ] [ laughs ] psch! [ cheers and applause ] hey, you guys were a lot of fun. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] -- captions by vitac -- from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight author helaine olen. she's going to talk about her book "pound foolish" about the
financial industry and how it's serving you perfectly. [laughter] let's begin with the president. as you may know barack obama is a student of history. he learned two things in particular from the greatest president in history abraham lincoln. one when putting together a cabinet you need assemble a team of rivals and two, you cannot kill a vampire with an axe. you need a built-in shotgun in that mother humper. lincoln the vampire. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] didn't take off like we thought it would. [ laughter ] but to the first point when it came time to choose a secretary of defense barack obama demonstrated lincoln-esque team rivalling by choosing former nebraska senator chuck haaag -- hagge -- hagel. [ laughter ]
he is a republican. a two term senator, vietnam vet. he was a simple process away from achieving that relatively only minor as secretary of lincoln's legacy but still it was doing this having hagel or doing that and you know, nobody wants to see that. >> the one thing i'm not going to do is vote on a new secretary of defense until the old secretary of defense leon panetta, who i like very much, testifies about what happened in benghazi. >> jon: so close to get him confirmed foiled by senate thespian lindsey graham. reprizing his role from tennessee williams great work "a street car named desire" not to be primary idea by the local tea party. no vote for hagel until panetta answers questions about benghazi. [laughter] what happens when ten jews sit in a room and try to come up
with puns really. starts that way every morning, actually. so two weeks ago lindsey rhett graham had his raisin -- whatever it's a play. >> did the president show any curiosity about how is this going? what kind of assets do you have helping these people? did he ever make that phonecall? >> look, there's no question in my mind the president of the united states was concerned about american lives. >> with all due respect i don't believe it's a credible statement. >> jon: oh, with all due respect, the president does not care for he is a cad and a scoundrel. [ laughter ] it's a plan as the alabaster tone in my creamy skin and as simple as my maid kicked in the head by a donkey. this president lies like all the other men who woo you with their lives and leave behind nothing
but broken dreams and a torn cotton negligee you ordered special from a yankee catalog. [cheers and applause] [laughter] anyway, the point is he got his panetta testimony. so now the senate can finally go forward with hagel's confirmation and the c.i.a. directorship. the general business of the senate, cut to three days after panetta's testimony. >> i don't think we should allow brennan to go forward for the c.i.a. directorship, hagel to be confirmed as secretary of defense until the white house gives us an accounting. i want to know what our president did. what did he do as commander in chief? did he call anybody? >> jon: you said after panetta. hagel has nothing to do with benghazi which is as good as any other reason i've heard to confirm him. get the other guy out of there, right? months of media inquiries and
any number of classified briefings. keep pursuing it. that's fine but why bring the country's business to a halt? you know who is not going to put up with this your pal johnny mccain because he lives by a different code. in a time of trouble and danger for our country, who will put our country first? [crowd responds john mccain] >> jon: they just shouted something at him. that's right john mccain doesn't have time, graham, for your cheap political games. he will get this train back on track like the straight talk express. >> i do not believe we should move forward with this nomination until questions are answered that senator graham and senator ayotte and i have asked to be answered. [laughter]
>> jon: what the hell. sorry but it's hard to take your tenacity on benghazi as honest fact finding given, mr. mccain, some of your past history on the subject. >> mccain did not april tend the classified briefing on benghazi yesterday. >> he was having a press conference calling for the select committee complaining about not getting enough information. >> jon: mr. mccain here is the information you requested. not now, can't you see i'm busy demanding the information you have in your hand and are attempting to give to me. and get off my lawn you son of a -- [laughter] senator mccain what the hell is going on here? >> we've had a massive coverup. a coverup. >> of what? >> of the information concerning deaths of four brave americans. the information has not been forthcoming. >> you said there was a lot of confusion. >> do you care david -- >> i'm asking -- i'm asking you do you care whether four americans died?
>> jon: what, whoa, whoa, do you care -- whoa, stop this train! what? i say -- [cheers and applause] stopping the train with some kind of device you really don't find on trains. [ laughter ] no! mccain, you can take that wherever you are going to take it. [ laughter ] no, mccain, you don't get to pull the fourth dead americans -- (bleep), you lost that privilege over i don't know the iraq war which i believe american casualtywise was literally benghazi times 1,000. and far from holding up all senate business until that fiasco was resolved i think you had a slightly different perspective. >> is the senate going to have a full investigation of what led up to iraq? >> i think we have investigations going on and we have had investigations -- i'm not against investigations.
i just want to make sure that we don't waste a lot of time and energy. >> jon: don't you care? don't ya care about dead americans? don't ya? let me finish don't ya care? don't ya? what was the mantra then was it everyone responsible from the iraq debacle from the faulty intelligence to 50 tons of mustard gas on a turkey farm to colin powell and his vile of confectioners anthrax that they all must be held accountable was was this? >> every intelligence agency in the world believed saddam hussein had weapons of mass destruction. thing goes bad in wars. mistakes happen. when things go bad, things go bad. the war of mismanaged. we are where we are now. mistakes have been made. they've been well chronicled in covert to and fiasco.
>> jon: a lot of books fiasco, (bleep) brain adventure. there was that book "boy where we wrong." there was "fist shades of wrong." that was book "oops based on the novel wrong by sapphire. oh, yeah the five people you meet in heaven who knew you were wrong. i get it things go bad. we are where we are. the only thing that wol make this worse would be if not only was mccain hypocritical about his level of outrage but if the level of outrage fueling the hagel filibuster was with a hint of junior high school level pettiness. >> it goes back to there's a had the of ill will towards senator hagel because when he was a republican he attacked president bush mercilessly at one point said he was the worst president since herbert hoover, said that the surge was the worst blunder
since the vietnam war which is nonsense and was very anti-his own party and people. people don't forget that. >> jon: first of all, bush was the worst president since herbert hoover. [cheers and applause] and second -- -- second, you (bleep) hated him. haaaated him. hated. and third blocking a secretary of defense nominee that has nothing to do with your current rediscovered moral outrage at american deaths overseas whilst copping to maybe a little payback is the antithesis of your campaign slogan so pardon me, sir, but perhaps it needs an update. [cheers and applause] e righ be righ
[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. as you know, america is like a boy band, yes. [ laughter ] that is the premises we are asserting. each of our 50 state has a distinct personality. we've got the cute one. [ laughter ] we've got the rebel, rides a harley with no helmet. [ laughter ] we've got the one that pretty sure has a drug problem. [ laughter ] but the thing about the states reputations is they are hard to change. makes you feel bad for some place like mississippi.
every time it opens its mouth because of its reputation you are like please don't say the n word, please don't say the n word. why have they had such a bad remember. we'll look back at a classic episode of "the daily show" with tonight's segment 19th century news. ♪ hello. greetings and salutations. my name is jon stewart and given the times i'm obviously neither jewish nor on television. [laughter] our top story this day in the 1865 is that the state of georgia has voted to ratified -- we had over the shoulders in 1965 in? the -- 1865? the state of georgia has voted to ratify the 13th amendment. delightful. being the 27th state to so vote the amendment is national adopted and slavery is abolished
in these united states. oh, bully. of course, there still remain a few stragglers who have yet to rat fight the amendment, -- ratify the amendment i'm looking at magnolia state. how much longer will you wait? 148 years would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? >> after 148 years the state of mississippi has finally ratified the 13th amendment. [cheers and applause] >> jon: and that's why -- [laughter] that was unpleasant. [ laughter ] that's why mississippi can't shake its rep for bad race relations. two things, first better late than never, and second, this is pretty (bleep) late. [ laughter ] why the sudden ratification? >> it's all thanks to steven
spielberg's film "lincoln." >> two men discovered mississippi was the last state that has not ratified it. >> jon: and then they went to see django unchained and tried to take the ratification back. linker or no lincoln how are you getting to this now? didn't the release of mississippi burning push to revisit the issue? to be fair they had taken steps towards banning the controversial practice of people owning other people. >> the legislature did sign on in 1995 but cannot file the proper paperwork. >> jon: oh, red tape! they tried to ratify the 13th amendment all the way back in 1995. [ laughter ] inspired no doubt by that year's blockbuster i know what did you 130 summers ago. [ laughter ] then there was the 18-year paperwork malfunction. what did happen with the paperwork.
>> their former secretary of dick mulfis failed to send a copy of resolution to the federal registrar. >> jon: classic dick mulfis. i'm sure he meant to file it properly. here is my impression of him mailing it to the federal registrar. oh, i'm so glad we did this. that's really nice. let me put this in the mailbox. [laughter] i imagine that will get there tout suite. who cleaned up the mess? >> the current mississippi secretary of state dilb rerks rerksdilbert hoseman. >> jon: he cleaned up for dick, huh?
i can't wait for the n n[cheers]
>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is a free lance journalist. her new book is called "pound foolish" discussing the personal finance industry. helaine olen, hello. >> thank you for having me. >> jon: thank you for joining us.
the book is called -- the music of particularly long -- called "pound foolish." exposing the dark side of personal finance industry. that intimates that there's a light side to the personal finance industry. what are your thoughts on -- after looking at this sort of personal finance gurus on cnbc was is your conliewtion? we were sold. if the 30 years the incomes have fallen, net worth plunged 40% between 2007 and 2010 and the entire industry of everything from suze orman saying hey we have the answer we're going to help you. also forgetting to mention this they were selling the products that were going to help you. >> jon: in many ways they have a sim beotic relationship with the corporations they cover.
>> suze orman is selling products. she has her own preapproved debit card and books and tapes. >> jon: a personal thing like that cnbc is the one that strikes me. here is this station os stensibly financial journalists and if they mention a stock it goes up. >> whether they mention it in a positive or negative way. it's like children if you give them negative attention it still works. >> jon: it does? so long praise, children. [ laughter ] right, exactly. and but you write about an interesting effect that happens weeks later. >> it goes back down. jim kramer somebody did a study of his ticks. best thing you could do if you wanted to make money would be to immediately short or bet against anything he mentioned as a buy. because hear what he is saying
and the price goes up and a couple weeks later it comes back down. >> jon: i'm not familiar with his work but some of the other people. i think what is so difficult here is that there is this idea now that work is not enough. >> right. well, it isn't for many people. >> jon: that is the point. that seems to be the problem with the system. hucksters have always existed. >> right. >> jon: it seems like the system has shifted. >> we have 50% of the population saying they are living paycheck to paycheck. there's an industry of people saying you can't manage your money follow me. instead of saying gosh 50% of the population can't get by what is wrong with society. >> jon: what is so infuriating to me is that this idea along you are w- your life and work and all the things you need, you need to familiarize yourself
with this complex and obscure industry of experts to avoid being homeless and poverty stricken when you are older. i don't understand why we don't value work more and why investment has become so valued. this is an industry earns hundreds of billions a year on you and hundreds of billions of reasons to convince you why you need them. you can invest your way out of them. the empires of personal finance built up in part as a response to changes in the retirement system. it used to be we got pensions and we know what happened to the pensions. >> jon: yes. >> we now have 401 (k)s. they don't do as well for people. but they do really well for one segment and that is the financial services industry which makes money win or lose. >> jon: and the 401 (k) is a slush fund in many respects for the other adventures, is it not? don't they take that money and bet on the derive actives and all the other shenanigans that
are played. >> it comes from all over the place, the hedge funds, lord alone knows where a lot of the time. >> jon: can we get ahold of him -- >> it would help, right. >> jon: i believe he is at goldman saves. [ laughter ] >> probably. >> jon: stereotype alert. stereotype alert. [ laughter ] it seems that there is not any kind of infrom structure in place to get back to this idea of work being as valued as investment. >> well, right now people are earning less and less money. we have to figure out a way to earn more money. raising the minimum wage might be a good place to start. >> jon: they don't -- they always claim that that is -- we have to take a commercial. i don't want to run late. stec